


Decompression

by AsagiStilinski



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Character's Name Spelled as Yuri, Coach Victor Nikiforov, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Katsuki Yuuri in Russia, Living Together, M/M, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Training, Yuri Plisetsky Is A Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 21:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19777099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: Yuri had thought through alot before moving to St. Petersburg, but he hadn't considered how much stress would come just from sharing the ice with the Russians...





	Decompression

**Author's Note:**

> Just a random little ficlet about Yuri's anxiety getting out of control and my personal note that sometimes people with anxiety don't react well to their senses being overloaded
> 
> It's also important to remember that alot of observations Yuri makes about how people feel about him- how he THINKS they feel- is pretty much always his anxiety talking

One thing Yuri hadn't been prepared for when he moved to St. Petersburg was all the _people_

Not in an overarching sense, but in an intimate sense

In the sense of how many people he would be stuffed into a room with on a daily basis....

It had been so long since he shared the rink with anyone...

When Viktor was coaching him, it had been just the two of them, all day every day, occasionally punctuated by Yurio's visit in the beginning, competitions here and there, or a few visits to the ballet studio, sometimes the Nishigoris would stop by but that wasn't often either

His family was also quiet-natured and kept to themselves alot, so it wasn't (usually) stressfull going home either

Even back in Detroit when he had shared the rink with Phichit, under Celestino's coaching, things were much quieter and calmer

Phitchit may be a terrible social media addict but he was (usually) intently focused on his skating and was great about respecting boundaries and giving Yuri space

Celestino wasn't necessarily a calm coach but he was patient and hardly ever yelled

It was quiet

Worlds away from what he was experiencing now

Not only did he have to share the ice with Viktor and Yakov- who on their own were enough to give him a headache simply due to their constant back-and-forths- but also Yurio, Georgi, Mila, and even Lilia some days

It was far, _far_ too much for Yuri to handle

Six people- _six_ \- who all had incredibly loud personalities- and vocal ranges- constantly smushed into one ice rink, often fighting or picking at eachother, often in Russian- wich, despite being a beautifull language when Viktor spoke it- sounded harsh and rough against his ears on the voices of Yakov and Yurio

He couldn't understand what they were saying half the time, even when they were speaking English they were shouting so quickly at eachother that he had to fight to keep up, and Heaven forbid he do anything to intrude on Yurio or Georgi's space....

Mila never seemed to get bothered by anything Yuri did, but he felt like he was constantly an intruder just by breathing anywhere near the other two skaters

Yakov criticized Viktor everytime Yuri did anything wrong and whenever Lilia was around Yuri tried his hardest just to stay out of her way

He had only been in Russia for a few weeks, and although he knew he'd get used to it with time, he couldn't help feeling more home sick than ever before, and his nerves were so on edge that he thought he was going to lose his mind

Even worse, there was no place he felt he could go to get away from it

St. Petersburg was a big and beautifull city wich made for a fantastic place to live ... if you liked that sort of thing

Yuri could have spent a week there and been euphoric, but living there?

When he was so used to his familiar, small town, surrounded by nature and quiet people

Where he could regularly- and literally- run down the street when he felt anxious and arrive at a waterfall or a scenic veiw of some kind and let himself breathe in the fresh air and the silence....

There was no silence in St. Petersburg

Even the one upside he'd thought of, that surely he had no Russian fans and could be left alone when he needed space, was dashed because he was now known as Viktor Nikiforov's boyfreind there and people wanted his autograph even if they didn't give a crap about his skating

There was no escape

The only way to get anything even remotely quiet was to go home and lock himself in the apartment he and Viktor shared

But he couldn't go home in the middle of practice and by the time practice was over he was so fried from all the stress that he could barely drag himself home to begin with

(Not to mention that he still couldn't even _get_ home without Viktor guiding him, Russian was a hard language to learn and Yuri was still trying to get his directions mapped out from the ice rink to the apartment building)

For the past few weeks, Yuri had been hanging by a thread, but it was that morning when Viktor had innocently mused over coffee that his lease would be up soon and they should consider buying a house that Yuri snapped

 _"You promised me atleast another five years, that's atleast five years in Russia isn't it?"_ he had so happily reminded Yuri

_"We could stay here even after that, if you wanted... I'm just thinking, an apartment might get to be too small-"_

Yuri had stopped listening after that

Just five more MONTHS of this stress was probably going to cause him an early death, but five more YEARS?

Five more years of Yakov's shouting and Yurio's screaming and Georgi's antics and Viktor and Yakov arguing and Lilia's death stares and Mila running around trying to stir up chaos....

His heart would give out

As it was now, he didn't know if he would last till the end of practice, he had just landed flat on his face for the third time in a row

"Ugh... ouch...."

"Yuri!! Are you alright!?"

"Y-Yeah Viktor... I'm fine..." he mumbled back, rubbing his sore head as Viktor abandoned his warm-up skating to rush to his side

"Are you sure?" he asked worriedly, holding his hand out to help Yuri up

"Yeah, I'm fine really," Yuri promised, forcing a smile as he took Viktor's hand and rose to his feet

"If you're fine then why do you keep flubbing all your jumps when I know you can do better?"

Oh shit, there was that sickeningly sweet, murderous smile of his

"Worried Boyfreind" was gone, "Furious Coach" had come to take his place

"A-Ah... well um... I'm sorry Viktor, I'll do better next time,"

"Yuuuuuriiiiiii~ That isn't at all what I asked you," he hummed, that same, deceptively calm smile over his face

"I just... have alot on my mind I guess,"

"Like what? What's on your mind when you should be focused on skating?"

Yuri was, for a breif, breath of a moment, relieved when Yakov called Viktor away, it meant he'd have time to come up with a believable excuse for Viktor's third-degree

But that releif was so short-lived that Yuri hadn't even exhaled before it was gone

Yakov was yelling again, in Russian, and Viktor looked irritated

Now he was speaking Russian too

He wasn't shouting, but his tone was clipped, short, and aggravated, Yuri didn't have to speak the language to understand that much

They were fighting again, and it was because of _him_ \- _again_

He felt sick from it

On the other end of the rink, Mila and Georgi were antagonizing eachother

He couldn't make out what was going on but it seemed like Mila had taken Georgi's phone and refused to give it back

She was probably teasing him about something or other

From both directions there was shouting, and Yuri's already frayed nerves were snapping slowly one by one

He felt like the world was spinning out of control, like he was dizzy, he could hear himself breathing, he could feel his heart pounding, and yet he had barely exerted any energy yet

Shit... _shit_...

He did _not_ need to have an anxiety attack, not here, not now, not in front of all of these _people_....

People who would judge him, who hated him, who would know immediately that Viktor had made a mistake bringing him here, that Yuri was only responsible for holding up his beautifully stunning career, that if Viktor had just stopped their little experiment after Yuri won silver and let things go back to the way they were their lives would all be easier

They didn't need someone like Yuri in their rink

They didn't need him screwing up their lives and causing them trouble

They were all so strong and loud and confident, they didn't need someone so weak and pathetic holding them back, and just by virtue of being here and causing all of these fights all the time, he was doing that

He was making everyone around him sick to death of him

At some point he had managed to skate to the edge of the rink and grab onto the wall, his hands shaking as he braced himself and tried to concentrate on just getting off of the ice before he fell

If he fell, he would only make his point even clearer that he didn't belong there, and he'd probably bleed, they'd all have to stop practice to clean up the blood and then he'd delay their entire schedules...

Gods he felt _sick_...

"HEY!!! VIKTOR!!! Katsudon's having a stroke or something!"

_SHIT_

The one time Yurio is actually paying attention to him other than to criticize him and this is what happens!?

Of all times!!

"YURI!!"

It's too late now to straighten up and pretend he's ok, Viktor has already spotted him and he sounds worried sick

Great, that's one more thing Yuri is responsible for....

"Yuri?"

Ah, Viktor's hand is on his back, like a steadying weight, holding him down, keeping him grounded to the earth instead of spinning out in the atmosphere like a blown engine

"Yuri...." he purred lowly, his voice was so soft and sweet, so gentle and warm, like .. warm honey, dripping down through him, removing the chill from his veins as he slowly moved his arms down and wrapped around Yuri's waist, hugging him tightly, squeezing him tighter... tighter... like a boa constrictor, threatening to squeeze the life right out of him

He could feel every breath he was taking, but not in the unsteady, hyperventilating, spinning out kind of way he could before, it was more like... having his finger on a steady pulse, feeling Viktor's arms press against his stomach, as if he was holding Yuri's breath in, trying to keep him calm

"Yuri," he repeated, a little firmer this time, a little quieter, but still overwelmingly warm and gentle

And gods.... all of a sudden _everything_ was Viktor

His world narrowed down, his entire universe shrunk into only what he could feel from Viktor

The rest of the ice was gone

He couldn't hear anyone else anymore, he couldn't feel anything else anymore, it was like being sucked into some sort of ... five-sensory tunnel vision

He could only feel the weight of Viktor's body against his back, the tightness of his arms around Yuri, the press of his cheek against Yuri's shoulder

He could only hear Viktor's voice, or his steady breathing

Everything else was a blurr around him, and he could just.... _breathe_......

"Yuri?" Viktor asked quietly

"Are you with me?"

One more exhale, his shoulders sagging, the last of his stress finally leaving him

"Yes.... I'm always with you,"

"Well, now might not be the time to be quoting Supergirl, but ok," Viktor mused with a soft chuckle, loosening his grip and shifting around to wrap one arm around Yuri's shoulders

He wasn't being obvious about it, but Yuri could tell that he was positioning himself carefully to block Yuri's veiw of the rest of the rink, who were all unnervingly silent at this point

"I think we could use some fresh air don't you? So many people in one small rink... all I can smell is Georgi's cologne,"

"Hey!! That's good cologne!!" Georgi shouted from across the ink, to wich Viktor only waved off as he helped Yuri out of the rink and immediately grabbed the guards for his skates

Viktor kept himself perfectly angled from that moment until they left so that Yuri couldn't see anyone else and they couldn't see him, always in smooth movements, discreet to anyone who didn't know Viktor well enough to notice it

It only took a few seconds after that cologne comment for the noise of practice to start up again, but Yuri was glad for Viktor's protection, he still didn't want to acknowledge anyone else's presence

Not now

Not yet

~+~

"You should have told me about this sooner, Yuri,"

He knew that

He inhaled the fresh air and put his head down and he _knew that_

"I know... I'm sorry, I just didn't want to cause any trouble..."

"Protecting your health is not causing trouble Yuri,"

And he knew Viktor would say that but it didn't mean that he believed him

"You should have told me sooner," Viktor repeated, but before Yuri could respond, Viktor continued

" _But_ I really should have known from the beginning that this would be a bad situation,"

Yuri's head perked up, a frown on his face as he prepared to protest

"You cou-"

"I've known you long enough now Yuri, I should be more familiar with what sets off your anxiety and should have predicted that so much chaos would have done so, not to mention it would have thrown off your skating.... it's my job- literally- as your coach, Yuri, to put your needs above everything else, and to anticipate what will be best for you, and I haven't done that, I apologize, these last few weeks of stress are on me,"

"N-No!! Viktor they're not-!"

"They _are_ ," Viktor insisted calmly

"I've known you intimately for over a year now Yuri, it's nothing short of irresponsibility that I didn't see this coming and find a way to avoid it, don't make an excuse for me, I need to learn how to handle your anxiety, just as you need to learn how to handle my..."

Viktor paused, making some vague hand gesture and shaking his head

He wasn't sure what to call it, though Yuri often wondered if he just didn't want to label it because he didn't want it to be real

His loneliness, his depression, his lack of inspiration, his _needs_ , wich matched in a near perfect tandem with Yuri's own

Funny how that worked

"We're both still learning eachother, but ... I should have anticipated this one from the beginning,"

"And I should have told you much sooner,"

The words were hollow, he didn't mean them

He acknowledged that they were true but he couldn't manage to feel the sincerity of them

"Exactly," Viktor nodded

"I'm sorry Viktor,"

"It's ok, atleast we know now, hm?" Viktor smiled back peacefully, squeezing his fiance's shoulder

Yes, they knew now, but Yuri wasn't sure how knowing could make anything any better

It wasn't like they could switch rinks or something

Even if they technically could, Viktor was now weighted down by having to not only coach Yuri, but be coached by Yakov as well

He couldn't do both if he was at a different rink....

"Alright then, you should go home, rest, have some lunch, play with Makkachin... I have some things to do but don't get too comfortable, you aren't done with training yet," Viktor smirked as he rose to his feet again

"After all, you have to make up for all of these weeks of mediocre skating don't you?"

And there was that fake smile again that always made Yuri feel like rolling over and dieing, but he couldn't say that Viktor was wrong

"Y-Yeah, you're right," he mumbled back shyly, standing as well and looping his fingers together with Viktor's, allowing the other man to start leading him out of the park that they were visiting

"I'll have to teach you how to get here on your own, for when you need a breath, it isn't hard to get to once you memorize the sights,"

"I'd like that, thank you," Yuri nodded

Things were comfortably silent then for a few moments, a few steps, before Viktor started speaking again

"I hope you don't mind my asking Yuri, but... is there anything in particular that set off this attack of your's today, or was it just a .. culmination, of the last several weeks?"

Uh-oh, Yuri had been hoping he wouldn't ask

"O-Oh, it-"

"You know I would never lie to you Yuri, I hope you'll give me that same respect and consideration,"

Shit

He knew that Yuri had been about to lie and say it was nothing even before he said anything!

And he was smiling so creepily too, he obviously knew Yuri had been getting ready to lie...

"A-Ah... when you started talking this morning about getting a house.... I want that, Viktor, I want it so badly, I want to have a house with you, to spend my entire life with you, have a family with you... I want to win gold this season so that we can get married,"

Viktor stopped suddenly, a concerned look falling over his face

"Yuri... you don't have to win gold for us to marry, we can-"

"But I want to!" Yuri protested

"I.. I want to... so that next season when we skate together at the Grand Prix, we'll finally be on the same level! We can skate as a married couple and both have gold medals, that's what I want,"

Viktor looked surprised, taken aback, but his features soon settled into something far more approving and joyfull

"Ok, you sound very determined, so what's the problem then?"

"Well I- ... I think St. Petersburg is beautifull, but ... I don't think I could live here... not because of the city! Although I do miss how quiet Hasetsu is... but I just - ... I know it sounds selfish of me but the thought of spending every day for the next five years so stressed out and oversensitized.... it just got to me I guess, I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to make you think that it had anything to do with you and I didn't want you thinking I was a diva who couldn't share the ice either, but... I guess I just miss how things were,"

"Yuri..." Viktor smiled warmly, cupping his fiance`'s face

"I don't think any of those things, you have a right to not be driven crazy every day you know? And I would have understood that it was the environment getting to you and not me... though I suppose it may have been a thin line for you to walk, if you hadn't said things the right way I may have misunderstood, so... I'm sorry for-"

"If I can't apologize for my anxiety then you can't apologize for your's," Yuri demanded firmly

Viktor looked confused for a moment, before suddenly bursting into laughter, grinning from ear to ear and leaning down to give Yuri a kiss

"Ok, you've got me! We're both a little messed up then, we just have to learn to deal with it more clearly before things get so bad," he noted, taking Yuri's hand once more as they started to walk again

"I guess so," Yuri agreed quietly

"I just hope I can make it up to Yakov and the others somehow.... I don't want them to hate me more than they already do..."

For the second time since they started their journey home, Viktor paused, spinning around with a truly shocked and almost hurt look on his face

" _Hate you_??? Yuri why on earth would anyone at that rink _hate you_???"

"Well... I interrupted practice today... and the last several weeks I've caused so much trouble... I've made you and Yakov fight so often-"

"Are you kidding me? Most of those fights are about _me_ you rediculous kumquat!" Viktor laughed

Oh, so this is where Yurio's creative insults come from, he really should have guessed that sooner

"And you'd be at your best if you weren't wasting so much time coaching me, and I know that alot of those fights are because Yakov doesn't think you're coaching me well enough wich is my fault for not-"

"Yuri, if you blame yourself for one more thing, I'm not letting you have anything but salads for the next three weeks," Viktor said flatly, his amusement entirely gone now, replaced instead by an air of total annoyance

"W-What!?"

"Yuri," he frowned firmly, cupping the other skater's face once again, his expression stern, but also warm, gentleness appearing around the edges of his face

"Yuri everyone here adores you, you're just projecting your fear and anxiety onto others, Yakov and I fight like cats and dogs, we always have, to be honest I kind of like it, pushing the old man's buttons, it's funny, trust me, if it weren't about my coaching or my skating it'd be about my hair or my attitude, we had a fight once about what color socks I was wearing,"

"Wah--... really???"

"Really, and besides that, Yakov actually likes you, I know it's a bit hard to tell sometimes but he likes you more than most people, Mila _adores_ you, and Georgi doesn't hate anybody who he hasn't slept with,"

"Viktor that last one isn't quite as encouraging as you think..."

If anything it just made him feel even worse for Georgi's girlfreinds...

" _And_ , you know that Yurio really likes you, right?"

"How on _earth_ would I know that?" Yuri challenged in disbeleif

He knew that they had had ... _moments_ ... here and there on occasion, but no, by no means did he believe that Yurio " _really liked him_ "

"Well he hates almost everybody," Viktor pointed out

"But he doesn't hate you, Yuri, he just doesn't show his soft side to anybody, well... except Otabek apparently, but other than him, Yurio looks up to you, he admires you, when I told him you were going to quit he was crushed, I know you know that,"

Yuri couldn't help looking away, even as Viktor leaned closer and gave him a big, tight hug

"Nobody hates you Yuri, least of all everybody here.... we all adore you, in our own weird and twisted ways perhaps but ... still,"

Yuri forced a small smile, awkward and a bit sad, but still there

"Thank you, Viktor...."

Viktor only shook his head, kissing his fiance` once more

"You have nothing to thank me for, you don't need to thank someone just for being honest Yuri,"

Yuri shook his head, slowly wrapping his arms around Viktor's neck and hugging him closer

"I know, but that's not all I'm thanking you for,"

Viktor chuckled lowly, closing his eyes and resting his head against Yuri's shoulder

"You don't have to thank me for that either,"

~+~

Yuri still wasn't sure how he was going to show his face at the rink again

Even if the others didn't hate him, he was still too embarrassed to show his face there any time soon

He had been home alone for about three hours now, was currently watching episodes of some French show about ladybug themed superheros that he was only barely paying attention to, falling in and out of sleep as Makkachin dozed on his legs

Anxiety attacks always took so much out of him...

"Yuuuriiii~ I'm home~!"

Makkachin was off of him in a heartbeat, and Yuri lifted his head up, adjusting his glasses as he paused the show and slid off of the couch as well to go greet his fiance`

"Welcome home Vitya,"

"Thank you! Get your skates Yuri, we're going to practice,"

Oh... Viktor had been gone for so long that Yuri had kind of hoped he would get to skip today....

It was pretty late by now, it was starting to approach evening...

But he wouldn't argue

After all that Viktor had done for him today, he wouldn't argue with anything

Instead he just nodded peacefully and went to retreive his skates

Whatever Viktor was up to, Yuri trusted him completely

~+~

"Ok, we're going to start with just a few minutes of warm ups since you were already practicing earlier today, then I want you to try those jumps again and if you can land them this time without any trouble, we'll move on to working on your step sequ-"

"Wait .... where is everybody?"

The rink was completely empty

The ice was clean, everyone was gone, it was just him and Viktor

"They left for the day, their practice already finished,"

Yes, technically Yuri knew that was true but...

But he couldn't help just looking up at Viktor in a bit of confusion, waiting on more information, clearly

"I hope you understand that if this is going to work, Yuri, we're going to have to modify the rest of our daily routine around it,"

"Wait a minute, if _what's_ going to work? What are you talking about?"

Viktor smirked, leaning against the wall of the rink and smiling sweetly at Yuri

"I worked out a schedule with Yakov so that you can train separately from everyone else, you'll get the rink to yourself in late afternoons and early evenings when everyone else is gone, during the day you'll train in the ballet studio and such, but ofcourse because you'll be working through when we usually eat dinner everything has been pushed back, you can sleep later but you have to stay up later as a result, so your mornings can be relaxed but-"

"Wait, wait!! What about you though?"

If Viktor stuck to their old schedule then he would hardly get to see him during the day...

"Don't worry, that's part of what I worked out," Viktor promised with a bright smile

"I switched some things around so I get on the ice in the late morning right after breakfast, then I'll take the afternoon ballet time with you and go right into your on-ice sessions," he explained with a sweet smile

Yuri bit his lip, his eyes welling up with tears

He felt like he was going to cry

"Viktor.... you didn't hav-"

"I did, I'm your coach Yuri, remember? Your needs come first, but more than that, I _wanted_ to, I miss the way things were too,"

"But it's so much work-"

"No it really isn't any more than I was doing previously, in fact this is easier! Do you think _I_ liked all of that noise?" he pointed out with a playfull wink

Yuri's lips pursed, and he charged forward, wrapping his arms around Viktor and hugging him tightly and earning a soft chuckle from his future husband

"You are my priority Yuri, please don't ever forget that," he said quietly, pressing a kiss to Yuri's head

"I won't... just as long as you don't forget that you're mine,"

"Ofcourse," Viktor promised with a soft smile

"Buuuuuut.... I forgot to mention there's one little caveat about all of this..."

Oh no....

"What is it?" Yuri asked anxiously

"Group dinner once a week, Mila insisted but the others were on board too, they can't just not see you Yuri! They like you too much!"

Two hours a week verses over four hours a day?

Yeah... Yuri could make that deal


End file.
